Impossible
by phoenixyfriend
Summary: Roronoa Zoro has survived things no one should. Sent multiple times to various dimensions, he proves repeatedly that: No, he ISN'T going to die from such a measly attack. Not just a Harry Potter crossover, but it's the first that comes up. No pairings. ABANDONED due to low quality.
1. Staring Contest

There is a man, one in the many worlds, that is capable of performing feats which supposed to be impossible. He is known as a Demon, as a Hunter, as one of the most famous and feared Pirates on the Seven Seas (and counting).*

He is Roronoa Zoro.

Now, there are three types of immortality. There is the kind that villains everywhere seek, the kind that leads them to kill as many as they deem necessary, so that they can live forever. There is the kind that is known in books, the immortality of literature: that of Odysseus, of Romeo and Juliet, of Aslan, of the Hobbit.

And then there is a simple refusal to die, no matter the circumstance. It is the kind that is powered by mere willpower and little else. It is not an immortality in that he lives forever, but that he doesn't die.

Roronoa Zoro is a man that is capable of the impossible, of surviving situations that he shouldn't, of causing things that shouldn't happen, and of getting lost in ways thought to be unknown.

He, as you should all now know, is soon going to be sent to worlds quite unlike his own, in situations designed to test this impossibility of his. Join us, as we watch and wonder.

.o.o.o.o.o.

World: Harry Potter

Location: Hogwarts

Time (in world): Somewhere in Harry Potter's Second Year

Time (One Piece): Soon after leaving Alabasta

Harry walked through the halls, friends by his sides, in a thoroughly irritated mood. He had, just since breakfast, been accused multiple times of causing the petrifications, and _did not like it._ Of course, the fact that said friends were squabbling like an old married couple may have added to his irritation somewhat.

"Harry, it's not that bad. It could be worse, you know."

"Hermione, how could it be worse? The whole school's convinced he's a raging psychopath. It doesn't get much worse than that."

"Honestly, Ron, would it kill you to-"

"Both of you shut up!" Harry held up a hand. "Can you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"Don't tell me you're hearing voices again mate."

"Yeah, I am, and it's going this way!" Harry took off running, listening intently to the sound of the voice, which, for once, wasn't talking of killing. After a glancing at each other, Ron and Hermione hurried after.

Harry frowned, confused by what he was hearing. He was used to the voice hunting saying _Kill, Kill_ over and over again. What he wasn't used to was hearing it beg for its life.

Or negotiate.

Or laugh.

As they hurried forward, he caught snatches of conversation in human tongue, though it seemed rather one-sided. And it seemed irritated, confused, and sleepy.

Not to mention confident. And somewhat crazy. It was a really weird combination.

"Whatever you are, just get out of my way, I have to get back to my ship." _Ship?_ Harry thought. _Like a spaceship?_ "I don't have time for you."

The voice replied, _Sorry, no can do, I'm under orders to eat any humans I come across, unless they're Slytherins or pure-bloods. You seem to be a muggle._

"I don't understand you. I don't speak giant snake. Or sea king. Whatever you are."

Harry glanced at Ron and Hermione, only to see looks of utter confusion on their faces, mirroring his own, despite the fact that he knew they couldn't understand the second voice. Though, Hermione, he noticed, had a growing look of horror on her face, as if just realizing something.

"Do you want me to slice you in half?" The voice was getting louder, and they'd slowed down, scared of what they'd find. They inched forward, and Harry couldn't hear the non-voice give a reply. "Fine, then." There was a sound of scraping metal, and then a loud thump, "I suppose we'll do it this way." They inched forward, only to encounter a giant, slithery green hide. Hermione hid a gasp, and mouthed something in horror. Harry shot her a questioning look and she whispered, horrified.

"_Basilisk_. A giant snake, one look in its eyes will kill you. Oh, Harry, with Dumbledore gone, we have to go inform Professor McGonagall _immediately_. This is too dangerous for anyone else to handle, they're classed XXXXX by the Ministry. Ron, come with me. Harry, stay here, you can understand both sides of the conversation, and please _do_ be careful." She shot him a beseeching look, and then ran off, Ron at her heels, a bewildered look on his face. Harry pulled out his invisibility cloak, and inched forward, to see what was going on. His mouth dropped at the proceedings.

"Kid, I know you're there. You're not exactly quiet. And I heard your friends run off to find someone too. Any idea what this thing is?"

"A Basilisk."

"Which is?"

"A giant snake, more or less. One look in its eyes is supposed to kill you."

"Really, now? Seems a bit like extreme killing intent and a Devil Fruit power to me. I've had worse."

"What?"

"Nothing, a kid like you wouldn't understand."

Harry would have protested, except for that he was more or less sure that he wouldn't understand any of it anyways. He fumbled around for something to say, pulling of the cloak in the process.

"Why is your hair green?" It seemed an innocent enough question.

"It's natural. Mock it at all and I slice you in half." Harry gulped.

"Um… Why three swords?" He, embarrassingly enough, had to make a conscious effort to keep his voice from squeaking.

"I practice Santoryu." A moment's pause. A disappointed sigh. "Three sword style. I hold one sword in each hand, and the third in my mouth."

"In your _mouth_?"

"Yes." The man's voice was low and gruff, but not too mean. Harry wondered if there was something else, something inconsequential, that he could talk about to keep the 'conversation' going. His eyes landed on the man's bare chest. _Well, it can't be that off-limits as a topic…_

"Where did you get those scars?"

He waved a hand over his torso. "Battles. Normally they'd be covered, but I was at a summer island recently, so our ship was still in the island's climate zone." No need for Harry to mention how little of that made sense to him.

Harry shifted where he stood, careful to keep his eyes on the man in front of him, and away from the deadly snake next to him, though he felt, pathetic though it was for the snake, that the man may be the more dangerous of the two. A question that he probably should have asked earlier occurred to him.

"Who are you?"

"A pirate_." Well, that answers what he is, but…_

"_What?"_ Harry squeaked. _A pirate? There haven't been pirates in hundreds of years! At least… there haven't been any ones that still use swords and stuff…_

"Yes." Again with the one-word answers.

"And your name?" Harry thought he could hear harried footsteps in the distance. He hoped it was McGonagall.

"Shouldn't you give your own name first?"

Harry blinked. "Um… my name is Harry Potter."

The man frowned. "I'm not familiar with how things work here, so please tell me: when you give your name, do you say your family name or personal name first?"

Harry thought for a few seconds, trying to figure out the question. "Personal name, I suppose."

"Ah." The man nodded, somewhat to himself. "Where I come from, you would introduce yourself as Potter Harry." Harry blinked. The footsteps were almost there.

"So your name?"

The man smiled. "Ro-"

"Mr. Potter!" Professor McGonagall came striding down the corridor. "What is the meaning of this?"

"Well, Professor," Harry juggled the words, trying to find something to say. He saw the man smirking out of the corner of his eye. "It seems there's a Basilisk."

"I can see that!"

"I wouldn't suggest bothering it right now, because I'm pretty sure that this is the first staring contest it's had in ages that didn't end the second it started."

"What." McGonagall's voice was flat. Hermione's eyes were bugging out, and Ron's jaw seemed ready to hit the ground.

"They've been competing since before we got here. The man's a pirate, was recently in an extremely warm climate, uses three swords at the same time, but he hasn't told me his name yet."

The three watching were dumbfounded. "But – you can't have a staring contest with a Basilisk!" Hermione cried out, "Its stare KILLS YOU!" She seemed near hysterics. "It's impossible!"

"Apparently not." Harry said, oddly at ease with the situation, having been dealing with it for a while already. He may have been in shock.

"But, who is he, and how did he get inside the castle?"

A hiss came from behind Harry, and he whirled back around to face the man and the snake again. The second voice, the _Basilisk's_ voice, said '_Enough, swordsman. I accept my defeat.'_

"My name is Roronoa Zoro." The man stood up and smirked. "And I apparently just accomplished the impossible."

"What did you do?" Ron finally pulled up enough courage to speak.

"The snake blinked. I won the staring contest." The Basilisk began to slither off, leaving behind the two dumbfounded students, one confused professor, one somewhat jaded Boy-Who-Lived, and one yawning pirate.

"But, to repeat Professor McGonagall's question, how _did_ you get here?"

"Don't know."

"It's obvious, isn't it?" There came a voice from behind them. They whirled around to look at the orange-haired woman walking towards them. A very attractive woman. "He got lost again."

"I did not! Besides, how did you get here?"

"I followed you through the glowing door." Harry could tell that the two were about to reach a tennis match conversation, and prepared to give his neck a workout turning from one side to the other.

"What glowing door?"

"The same one you went through trying to find the bathroom. Which, by the way, is on the other side of the ship. Can't be too surprised though, we are on the Grand Line. Glowing doorways are the least of our problems."

"What's the most?" Harry asked, curious about these people, and happy that he'd managed to stop the argument before he had to wring his neck from side-to-side trying to follow it. Alas, his question only caused him further trouble in that regard.

They frowned. "Sea kings."

"Dinosaurs."

"Marines. "

"Shichibukai."

"Other pirates."

"Devil Fruits."

"Bounty hunters."

"The weather itself." They shrugged. "Plenty of stuff."

"Oh. You mentioned Sea Kings earlier. What are they?" Hermione threw in.

The orange haired woman answered. "Large sea monsters, eel-like in shape, though many have extremely odd defining characteristics. I'd say they're rather like extremely weird, aquatic versions of that snake thing just now. Only bigger."

"Bigger than a Basilisk?" Hermione asked in horror.

The woman smiled. "Easily. Especially the calm belt ones."

"Yeah, the one we accidently ended up on when we were in the calm belt was several hundred times the size of the ship. And that was just the _head_." He grinned at their faces.

"Zoro, stop being an idiot." They turned to the woman, hoping for a somewhat more sane sounding answer. "The eye alone was at least a dozen times the size of the ship." Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ron Weasley, for the first, and possibly only time in their lives, due to their proximity to manga characters (whose knowledge of the English language shall remain a mystery), did anime fall.

Literally. They actually face-faulted. Though McGonagall did manage to make do with just a sweatdrop.

"Well, we should get going. Usopp spotted some Marines on the horizon; they probably followed us out from Alabasta after the fiasco we made leaving and if they're strong, then we're going to be wanting you there with us, marimo."

Zoro frowned. "Don't call me that."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Come on, we don't need you getting lost again, and without me, you know you will be."

"Ch…" He scoffed, and began to head off in a seemingly random direction.

"You still owe me money, Zoro-_kun_. You wouldn't want me to raise your debt some more, now would you?" A smirk was present on her face, which only widened when the swordsman froze.

"Sea-witch." He muttered.

"Call me what you want, I don't mind. Sanji-kun might, though." She grabbed his elbow and steered him off.

"Yeah, well I don't feel like dealing with idiots today. Dartboard-brow's going to have to wait."

"Marines." She pointed out.

"Fine, I don't want to have to deal with more idiots than is strictly necessary. That ero-cook still isn't getting a rise out of me."

"Whatever, come on."

"Yes, _Nami_." He spat her name, and their voices faded out as they disappeared from view.

The students looked at one another, and then at Professor McGonagall.

"Just pretend it was all a dream?" Hermione said hopefully.

"Unfortunately, no," Said McGonagall, "We now know what the monster is, so we need to inform the Headmaster."

Hermione groaned and put her head in her hands.

* East Blue, North Blue, South Blue, West Blue, Grand Line, White Sea, White-White Sea (the last two don't really count yet in this drabble, since they just left Alabasta, but it will in the rest, and that was the introduction part to the story, not in the actual chapter itself, so please bear with me).


	2. Light Show in a Castle

A/N: Umm… this one was just to show Zoro dealing with Avada Kedavra and throwing it, and a bunch of other spells, off with just sheer willpower, but it kind of just rambled, so…

WARNING: EXTREME RAMBLING.

I was planning on adding even more stuff, like Luffy throwing off Acromantula venom because of his Impel Down experiences and Robin getting angry because people were destroying a castle that probably contains more than its fair share of priceless archeological findings and artifacts, but it just wouldn't fit.

.o.o.o.o.o.

World: Harry Potter

Location: Hogwarts

Time (in world): Final Battle (slightly AU, as the Death Eaters are still in top position after Harry's "Death" and they're making Harry dodge everything they send at him)

Time (One Piece): Post-Fishman Island

Harry was panting, glaring at the snake faced man in front of him. He was getting tired of dodging the curses sent at him by Death Eaters, and Voldemort was just standing there, letting his little lackeys do the work. He slowed down, as the Death Eaters no longer sent curses at him, but stared at a ball of light emanating from the ceiling instead.

"Wha-?" Harry gasped, breath ragged. "What's going on?"

The light flared, and five shapes shot out of it, hitting the walls and falling down. The light shrank, still glowing brightly, and went to float by the ceiling. One of the figures stood up, barely coughing from the dust, unlike three of his companions. With wide shoulders and a dark trench coat, the figure strode forward, took a glance around, and spoke.

"You." The man drew a black sword and pointed it at a Death Eater. "Talk. Where are we, and what's going on." It wasn't a question. It was a demand and a statement, laced with a threat in the case that he didn't get a suitable answer. Two other swords hung at his side, and green hair grew above a scarred eye.

Harry's eyes widened and he looked to see Hermione, Ron, and McGonagall looking at the man as well.

"Roronoa Zoro!" Harry said. "And…" He squinted, looking through the dust at another figure that was walking up behind, still coughing. "Nami, right? How did you get here?"

"Yeah, last time we saw you was five years ago, when you stared down that Basilisk!" Ron added in.

Silence reigned through the hall, and even Voldemort found himself intrigued. _Staring down a Basilisk?_ Was the main, horrified thought in the hall. _How is that even possible?_

"Yes… the giant snake, right?"

"Yeah." Harry fidgeted. "Um…"

A snake-like voice slid through the air. "Swords? He must be just a muggle. Kill him." Several different Avada Kedavras flew through the air towards the swordsman, but he simply drew another of his swords, a red one, and used it to deflect them all.

"Really? Colored light?" The man said mockingly. "Is that the best you can do? And I suppose it's not even a Devil Fruit. Pity."

"I thought I told you to kill him. Bellatrix. Go." Voldemort seemed irritated.

"Avada Kedavra!" Bellatrix yelled gleefully. Then her face fell.

The man had made no move to block the spell this time, and had actually sheathed his swords and turned to face the spell with his arms out wide and a shark-like grin on his face. A black patch spread across his chest, looking for all the world like an armor. The spell hit, and went in, which seemed to surprise the man. A frown came across his face, and he dropped his arms, down to his swords. He glared at the spot that the spell had gone into. People watched with bated breath.

"No." He said forcefully. The spot began to glow green, and he said, even more forcefully, "I've lived through worse; a jet of light isn't going to kill me." He seemed to mock it. "I _refuse_ to die." Green ooze began to come out of the glowing area and glooped to the floor, where it exploded.

"Potter." Zoro said. "What was that?"

"A killing curse." Through his brief altercation with the man, Harry had learned to keep both answers and questions short, for this man seemed not to hold any tolerance for overly extended answers.

"So, basically, I've now survived two situations that you people consider to be instant death?" Harry nodded. "Wow, you people are weak."

Harry almost facepalmed in return. "No, you just seem to be abnormally strong. Honestly, are you even considered normal where you come from?"

"I don't have a Devil Fruit, and I still managed to, without knowing it, become a Supernova, so no, I don't suppose I am."

"Are you immortal?" A Death Eater asked. Harry rolled his eyes at the topic. _How did the Death Eaters always manage to come back to this?_

"Of course not." Zoro scoffed. "I'm just really hard to kill."

"Read: more or less impossible," Came a voice from behind the swordsman. It was Nami; she'd been standing there without speaking for a while, apparently just analyzing the situation. "Seriously, he's survived more life-or-death situations than anyone on the ship other than Luffy, and, well, Luffy's not exactly normal either."

"Did he fall asleep?" Zoro asked. "It wouldn't be the first time."

"Meat…" Came a voice from an unknown area. "Land of Meat…"

"Yeah, he's asleep." Zoro smirked again.

"He doesn't sleep as much as you do. And _he_ doesn't sleep through hurricanes while the rest of us are running around and try to keep ourselves from capsizing."

"That was one time. And besides, I meant that it wouldn't be the first time he fell asleep after a big impact like that."

"AH! Where are we?" the voice was high-pitched and panicked. "Zoro, Nami do you know? Do you know what happened to get all these people hurt?"

"Chopper, calm down. We don't know where we are, but we were here two and a half years ago, though it seems five years passed for them. As for why so many people are hurt… ask the kid in the glasses over there; he's the one we talked to last time." Nami pointed at Harry, who had been staring at the little creature that looked more or less like a large plushy in a large blue and pink helmet and shorts freak out by the two inter-dimensional pirates.

Harry pointed at Voldemort, "Evil wizard. Trying to become the next Dark Lord. Wants to kill anyone that isn't of magical descent. Wants me dead."

"Like Tenryubito and Luffy."

"What?"

"A bunch of nobles want Luffy dead."

"Who's—?" Harry started, but was cut off by a loud shout.

"I SMELL MEAT!" A pair of arms stretched by Harry's face. "GOMU GOMU NO~~~"

"Get down!" Yelled Zoro.

"ROCKET!" Harry had been knocked down to the ground by something, and he watched as a red and blue blur flew right by where he'd been a second earlier. He looked to see what it was that had knocked him down, only to see…

Arms? And they were sprouting out of the ground…

"Thanks for getting him down in time, Robin. I'm not sure how one of these people" He indicated the wizards around him, "would survive being hit like that." Zoro was talking to a woman who seemed a bit older than himself and Nami. The woman was tall, and very pretty, with black hair and several extra pairs of arms holding a small Chopper that looked ready to start hyperventilating at all the injured people, not sure who he wanted to treat first.

"You're welcome Zoro-san."

"Honestly, I bet Luffy wasn't even _awake_ and he did that. And where would he smell meat here anyways?"

"Nami, Zoro, Robin!" Chopper was talking again.

"Maybe it's a moose." Whispered Ron behind them.

"I still say some sort of deer. The antlers are completely different from a moose's." Hermione whispered back.

"You heard a splash?" Nami sounded worried.

"Potter, is there a body of water nearby?" Zoro himself sounded urgent.

"Yeah there's a lake just outside." Harry wondered, could the guy from earlier, Luffy, swim?

"Which way is it?" Zoro was talking again.

"That way." Harry pointed, and people started scurrying out of the way when they saw Zoro draw his sword.

A horizontal slash, and two vertical ones, like he was trying to cut through the wall and make a doorway, Harry thought, but that was impossible while he was still a couple dozen yards from the wall, right? Zoro turned his sword so that the flat of the blade faced the wall. "Sanjuuroku Pondo Ho." He said, making a simple looking move, and Harry eyes widened as a square section of the wall fell over.

"Show-off."

"At least I don't set parts of my body on fire or _start a storm_ if I want to win a fight."

"Or start emitting steam and glowing red or make your body parts huge by injecting lethal amounts of air."

"Or just make giant body parts in general pop out of the ground to crush people."

"Or take out a violin to send the enemies to sleep, if they haven't run away out of fear already."

"Or send missiles at them from my shoulders."

"Or turn into a variety of monsters when no normal Zoan should have more than three forms."

"Or shoot little green pods that turn into giant man-eating plants. And sing that stupid 'island of snipers' song."

"What?" Harry was confused. What were they talking about? "Besides, weren't you worried about your friend?"

"Nah, our ship somehow ended up in your lake, so that curly-brow probably got him out by now. Robin?"

"He did."

"Good. If that stupid ero-cook hadn't, then I would've kicked his—"

"NAMI-SWA~~~N! ROBIN-CHWA~~~N! I'm coming for you, my angels!"

Harry almost choked. How corny could one person _get?_

"Ah, Sanji's almost here."

"Do you want to talk to him, or can I just slice him to pieces now?"

"Just don't kill each other."

"Don't worry; I'll go easy on him." Zoro pulled out all his swords, putting the white one in his mouth as he'd told Harry he did when he fought, and stood waiting for the figure that was…

_Flying?_ No, it was… running. Running on thin air.

"Hey curly-brow, stop dancing around the sky like some demented pixie and get down here already!" Zoro, to the consternation of all magical folk present, spoke perfectly with the sword hilt in his mouth.

"What was that, marimo?" Oh, so the idiotic voice from before could actually sound threatening, not _just_ love-struck and idiotic.

"You heard me, dartboard!" Zoro yelled back at the man that was now falling from his previous place in the sky. Harry looked at the man, who he presumed, from the earlier conversations, was named Sanji. The man was wearing a suit and smoking a cigarette, and his blonde hair covered one eye. As much as Zoro looked like a pirate, this man looked like a gentleman.

A gentleman with a curly eyebrow. Who had just set his leg on fire without touching it and was attacking Zoro. Harry blinked, rubbed his eyes, and blinked again.

No, he wasn't just seeing things. There really was a fight in front of him that involved three swords on one side and flaming legs (and only legs) on the other.

"Ne, Sanji, more meat!" The shout came from the ship.

"I just gave you some food! Stop asking!" The fight didn't pause for even a second as Sanji replied.

"Are you fighting with Zoro? I'm coming over there, that castle looks _really_ cool!" Harry furrowed his eyebrows. That didn't sound good…

"GOMU GOMU NO~~~"

"Luffy, put me down, this is a bad id—"

"Luffy-bro, I think Usopp-bro has a—"

"Yohohoho, Luffy-san, please let—"

"ROCKET!" Four bodies were flying towards them from the ship, and actually made a crater as they landed.

Harry's eyes widened at the people that came out of the crater. Nami had begun to pull on the cheek of the boy in the straw-hat, but it didn't seem to be doing anything, as the boys cheek just stretched out farther. Another boy, this one with an extremely long nose, was yelling at the straw hat boy, who Harry assumed was the red blur he'd seen earlier, and thus was probably Luffy, and seemed the most normal of them all (despite the nose). But the last two were weirder than any magical thing Harry had ever seen.

One was a tall man with Ace Ventura-style blue hair, which would have been weird enough, but he barely seemed human, at least, anymore. His shoulders consisted of large red balls, and his forearms were rectangular with blue star tattoos on them. His nose was covered in metal plating, and he has scars that seemed surgical in nature across his front. His legs were also covered in weird metal, and he was wearing nothing except a Hawaiian shirt, some sunglasses, a gold chain around his neck, and a Speedo.

The other was, if possible, weirder yet. Not because of the clothing, though the man was dressed like a rock star from several decades ago, on top of a suit. Not because of the hair, though that wild afro would have drawn stares from anyone. Not because he had asked Robin for a look at her panties the second he got up, though the arm that sprouted from his chest and slapped him had left him in a state that made it look like this happened very often. Not because of the horrible jokes that he was spouting off every thirty seconds, though they were cringe-worthy. No, not for any of those reasons.

No, it's just that it's not every day that you see a skeleton that's walking, talking, and being blatantly perverted.

"That's a living skeleton. And a cyborg." Hermione looked ready to freak out. "Not possible. This isn't _possible_, any of it!"

"You're probably wondering who everyone is." Zoro said, his voice bored now that his fight had been cut short.

"Um… sure." Harry glanced over at the death eaters that seemed more or less astounded. Probably because they'd grown up with magic, they weren't used to seeing anything outside the norm for magic, while he and other wizards that had grown up like muggles were so used to being astounded that nothing really fazed them anymore. He figured that they wouldn't be getting in motion anytime soon, and he could use the downtime to rest up for when the battle started up again. If it ever did.

Zoro pointed to the guy in the straw hat. "That's Monkey D. Luffy, Captain of the Mugiwara crew and a rubber man. His bounty poster refers to him as Straw Hat Luffy, and his bounty, when we last saw it, was 400 million Beli."

He turned to Nami. "That's Nami, and, no, she does not have a family name, they're not common where we come from. She's the Navigator, and can predict and manipulate the weather like magic, even though it's only science and is capable of stealing just about anything. Her bounty poster refers to her as Cat Burglar Nami, and her bounty is 16 million Beli."

"He wasn't lying. I really _can_ steal anything. By the way, what are these?" She held up a fistful of wands. Harry looked down to check that he still had his own (he did), and looked up to see various people, Death Eaters, Hogwartians and Order members alike, fumbling around their robes, looking for wands that were no longer there. Harry nearly facepalmed at the situation. They were in a battle, and people hadn't bothered to keep a hold of their wands? Then again, he had said anything…

"Greedy witch."

"They weren't any better guarded than the Tenryubito letter or the slaves' keys that I stole at Fishman Island when we fought Hordy."

"Yeah, but you were actually helping people by doing that. This served no purpose other than you showing off. Anyway, next is Usopp, our sniper. The world government doesn't actually know what he looks like, just his alias…" Zoro looked over to check that Luffy and Chopper were distracted before continuing, "Sogeking, under which he has a 30 million bounty. We've also seen him snipe off marines from seven hundred meters with a slingshot."

"A slingshot?" Harry found himself repeating. That couldn't be possible.

"Yeah, it's a weird slingshot. The marines couldn't actually fire back because their guns weren't strong enough. After that is the curly-browed idio—"

"Okay, how about we let someone else handle this one?" Nami intervened before a fight broke out. "That's Sanji, his bounty is 77 million Beli, and his bounty refers to him as Black Leg Sanji. He's our cook, and he fights using only his legs, and yes, that fire you saw earlier was real."

"Arigato, Nami-swan!" Sanji seemed beside himself with glee that Nami had done something so kind for him.

Zoro moved on. "After the blonde idiot, is Chopper, our doctor. The marines are idiots, so they made his bounty only 50 Beli, even though he's as strong as any of us, and the only Zoan we've met so far that can go past the standard three transformations."

"Next is Nico Robin, her bounty calls her the Devil Woman, though it used to be the Devil's Child, since she's been on the run from the world government since she was eight," Harry blinked at this. Why would this woman be on the run at the age of eight? "And she has an 80 million Beli bounty. She doesn't really have a _function _on the ship, per se, but she used to be an assassin and she's pretty gifted as an archeologist, which had its time to shine when that old ship fell out of the sky on our way to Skypeia. She's got a Devil Fruit that allows her to 'bloom' her body parts out of any surface, including people, which leads to her favorite method of killing being breaking necks and spines." As a form of proof, two hands popped out of Luffy's back and bent his head back at an angle that would kill a normal person, but only made him ask what was going on. Harry felt a bit perturbed at what he saw, but pushed the feeling away.

"After her is Franky, the shipwright. His real name is Cutty Flam, but no one really calls him that. He's a cyborg, and because of that, his bounty poster refers to him as Cyborg Franky. His bounty is 44 million Beli, and he's the only person that I've ever seen build a 300 meter bridge in the middle of a battle and ask for another thirty seconds because he wasn't quite happy with the varnish." Harry stared at the man in the speedo. "He also refuses to wear pants." Harry resisted the urge to facepalm.

"Last is Brook, also known as Humming Brook, as well as the Soul King among his fans. His bounty is 33 million Beli, and yes, he is dead, and has been for the past fifty or so years. He's only 'alive' in some sense because of his Devil Fruit. He's our musician, and one of the biggest perverts around. As it is, after the whole Fishman Island fight, and the Saboady Archipelago incident with the Pacifistas, we're expecting our bounties to go way up." Harry looked at the skeleton, wondering if Voldemort was going to try and steal this 'Devil Fruit.'

Hermione piped up, "What about you?"

"Me?" Zoro seemed surprised at her question. "Why would you care about that?"

"Yeah, why would you care about the Demon of East Blue?" Nami smirked. Harry stared at Zoro. He was known as a demon?

"You know I didn't come up with that name on my own."

"Yeah, well, you're still a demon. You're still 'Pirate Hunter Zoro.' You're still First Mate and swordsman of the Straw Hats. And you've still got 120 million Beli on your head." Nami hit every point that Zoro had mentioned for the others, in far less time: his epithet, his bounty, his position on the crew, his fighting style… and made him sound a whole lot scarier than the rest.

"What did you all do for such a high bounty?" Ron asked.

They stared at him, and then thought for a moment, except for Chopper.

"The marines were idiots." Chopper said, looking sad.

"This is my bounty from before joining the Straw Hats. But now, the marines aren't sure if they want me dead, since there would be a riot if I was. My heart goes out to my fans. But I don't have a heart! Yohohoho, Skull Joke!" Brook was laughing to himself.

"I got mine for fighting at Enies Lobby, burning the Pluton blueprints, helping wanted criminals, being SUPER!" Franky did his pose.

"I am the only survivor of Ohara, and am currently the only person in the world capable of awakening the ancient weapons, such as Pluton, and am also an extremely dangerous fighter." Robin's voice was passive.

"She can make clones!" Chopper said.

"Eh~~~ I think beating up that wolf guy at Enies Lobby was what did it. I don't think anything before that was taken into account."

"Most of us got our bounties at Enies Lobby. I shot and set the world government's flag on fire, signaling an act of war on behalf of the Straw Hats."

"I beat Kalifa at Enies Lobby. She was a bit of a psycho, though, and probably the weakest of CP9.*"

"Well, I already had a bit of a reputation back in East Blue from when I was a bounty hunter from before meeting Luffy, but the first one was mostly for defeating Daz Bonez at Alabasta, though they may have taken the situation at Whiskey Peak into account."

"Which was?" Hermione looked a bit lost, considering that no one understood more than half of what happened.

"Killed, or at least beat up, about a hundred bounty hunters that tried to ambush us at Whiskey Peak. Let's see, the second bounty was probably for the beating Kaku at Enies Lobby, he's the reason that I hate giraffes now, and probably nothing else, since they don't really have much contact with Skypeia."

"As for Luffy," Zoro said, and looked over at his captain, who was counting on his fingers, trying to figure something out, "We should probably handle this one."

He sighed. "Alright, his first bounty was a measly 30 million, which he got for beating up Axe-hand Morgan, Buggy the Clown, and yes, Buggy's way more dangerous than he sounds, Don Krieg, and Arlong. They probably don't know about the Kuro incident, so we can leave that well-alone."

"His second bounty was 100 million, which he got after defeating Crocodile in Alabasta, which is a big deal considering that Croc was a Shichibukai, and a Logia Devil Fruit user, at that."

"The third one happened at Enies Lobby, since he defeated Rob Lucci, who people thought was more or less invincible, and was the strongest member of CP9, the government's secret assassination group. This one sent him up to 300 million."

"The last one was for…" Zoro took a second to think, "Give me a second, I need to get things straight. We're not exactly sure which parts contributed and which didn't…"

Nami spoke up, "Defeating Gecko Moria, another Shichibukai, whose previous bounty was 315 million Beli."

Usopp spoke up, "Punching a Tenryubito at Shabondy."

"Breaking into, and then out of, Impel Down, the government's six level, underwater, extremely well-guarded prison with 241 other prisoners, though that's only a small portion of the ones that tried to escape with him. The saddest thing is that no one ever managed to do that before, other than Golden Lion Shiki, and that was over twenty years ago." Zoro said.

"And Marineford…" Luffy finally said, looking at the ground. His hat was shading his eyes, hiding them from view, and most of his crew, barring Robin (who had not yet shown much emotion) and Zoro, looked on with pitying eyes.

"That wasn't your fault, Luffy. It was Akainu's." Zoro spoke, looking at his captain with unreadable eyes.

"I know. It's still…"

"You watched hundreds of people die, including your brother. Of course it's a bad memory. Now think of something better."

"Like?"

"Surume." Zoro suggested, a smirk on his face.

"Why are you suggesting him when you sliced his tentacles apart?" Luffy sounded confused, but at least it was better than the crushing depression from earlier.

"He was attacking us. Excuse me for thinking that slicing up a Kraken that was several hundred times the size of the ship and bigger than most sea kings was better than trying to tame it."

"But I did tame him! And he helped us in the fight later!

"Like we needed help! There was one hundred _thousand_ fishmen, and not a single one of us was taken down. For all their claims to be born ten times stronger than humans, they were weak. We didn't need his help."

"Is this really the time?" Usopp threw in.

"I give up!" Hermione finally said. Everyone turned to look at her. "I'm never going to understand you, am I?"

"Not without us giving you in depth lessons about our world, no." Nami smiled.

"And you seem so laid back about this! You were just transported to a completely different world, into the middle of a battlefield, with people trying to kill you, and you're all fine and dandy!"

"This isn't the first time we've travelled between dimensions and had to explain ourselves. As for the other part of your question… well, we've seen worse battles. Seriously, there are the rebels at Alabasta, the Marines at Enies Lobby, Baroque Works at whiskey peak, the Kuro-Neko pirates at my home village, the zombies at Thriller Bark, whatever that was at Shabondy, since we aren't even sure, the Fishman at Fishman Island, and all the stuff Luffy saw while we were separated." Usopp counted off on his fingers, unaware of the looks he was getting from around him. "I think that's everything."

"Besides, anything is possible on the Grand Line, girly. We've been to an island ten thousand meters under the sea."

"And another ten thousand above!" Sanji said. "Ah, Angel Island! What I wouldn't give to see Conis-chan once more!"

"Shut up, ero-cook. Your stupid comments are making me want to drill my ears in."

"What was that, marimo?"

"You heard me, curlybrow!"

Another fight seemed ready to break out, but the two men were suddenly electrocuted form a small cloud hanging directly above them.

"Honestly, do you two ever quit?" Nami said, irritated. Harry saw electricity running out of the weapon she held. He gulped, wondering just how strong these people were if this woman actually held the second lowest bounty, the lowest if you considered what they kept saying about the marines being idiots in regards to Chopper's.

"Wow…" He heard himself say.

"What was that, Potter-san?" Robin asked.

"Sorry… just wondering how strong the rest of you were, when _she's_ got the second lowest bounty." He shrugged. "It's a bit hard to comprehend."

"Really now…" Robin murmured.

"Crucio!" Came a shout from behind them, and the spell hit its target. Harry turned around and saw Bellatrix, who had a wild, desperate look in her eyes, with her wand pointed straight at the Straw Hats. Straight at Zoro.

Zoro was looking down at the ground, eyes shaded out of sight. He walked over to Bellatrix, grabbed her wand out of her hand and let it drop to the floor between them. He looked up then, a feral, predatory grin on his face.

"Do you think that's the worst pain I've felt? Tell me, do you think getting this wound, and then fighting Hachi and Arlong at Cocoyashi would be a pleasant experience?" He indicated the scar on his chest. "No, it wasn't, and this little jet of light didn't hurt _nearly_ as much as that. It didn't hurt as much as almost being turned to wax and then being set on fire, like Little Garden. It didn't hurt as much as having a pair of drills stabbed through my chest or having a wall drop down on me like at Alabasta."

"Did he just skip being buried by an avalanche while shirtless at the Sakura Kingdom?" Usopp whispered to Nami.

"He was what?" Nami whispered back.

"It didn't hurt as much as being electrocuted time and again at Skypeia by a psychopath who though he was God and wanted to get to the moon because that land was the 'sole property of God' or something." With every example he was taking another step towards her, and Bellatrix was slowly being backed up against a wall, and the crowd parted to let them through. "It didn't hurt as much as Enies Lobby, where I had to rely on _Asura_ of all things to keep from dying. And it didn't hurt even a _fraction_ of what happened at Thriller Bark. Not even a _fraction_. So," He turned away from her and walked over to the center of the circle that had formed. "If you think you can kill me, go ahead. Just _try_ me." He spread his arms out wide, just like he had when they'd shot the killing curse.

"Just what kind of a monster is he?" Harry heard someone say, and he agreed. What kind of person could live through those sorts of things? And the man was now deflecting dozens of curses with a single sword.

"Of course, Luffy's lived through even more." Zoro smirked. Luffy, thankfully, looked completely serious, and wasn't, such as in other situations, picking his nose.

"Zoro, stop scaring people. Let's go before the marines find us."

"Luffy, I really don't think the marines are going to find us here." He deflected a couple more curses, and laughed as a Cruciatus hit him. "And I'm not being _that_ scary. If that was my goal, I would've let loose a whole lot of killing intent and maybe set up an Asura a while ago. Possibly even let loose a bladed twister. Nothing like Tatsumaki." He grinned sadistically. "Or its variants."

"No way, that would kill them! Zoro, these people aren't bad."

"Correction, some of them aren't bad."

"Ne?"

"Yeah, the noseless bald guy and his friends are worse than the Tenryubito." Zoro turned around, and glared at the Stunning Spell coming towards him, which slowed down and fell to the floor, shivering like a scared rabbit.

Harry facepalmed. This was ridiculous.

"Worse?" Luffy's face was covered by his hat. "They're… worse?"

"Apparently. Potter, mind explaining?" Zoro split an Imperius straight down the middle as it came towards him, and it shot off to the sides, causing explosions in the walls where it hit.**

Harry began to explain, watching Luffy's face grow angrier with each passing second, and then froze as he watched Zoro.

Zoro had reached out, hand dark like before, and _grabbed_ an Avada Kedavra out of the air, stopping it an inch from his chest. Harry could feel the hall holding its breath as the man before them pulled out his red sword, and held it near the captured spell. The sword began to shiver, almost as if it was exited, and then Zoro threw the spell over his shoulder (it exploded against the wall) and hit the sword to the ground a few times. "No, bad Kitetsu. That's way too much bloodlust."

"Oh, the cursed sword is acting up again?" Robin asked.

"Yeah, stupid sword needs to learn not to cut unless its master wants it to." He glared at the sword and sheathed it.

"Oi, Potter." Luffy's voice sounded uncharacteristically serious, and Harry almost flinched as he looked over.

"Yes?"

"You mind if I beat these guys up?"

"Um…" Harry wasn't sure how to answer. "Okay… but Voldemort is mine."

"Who?" Luffy's voice was back the careless idiocy from before.

"The noseless bald guy." Harry recycled Zoro's description from earlier.

"Oh, okay."

"Only attack the people in black cloaks with white masks, okay?" Harry whispered, sidling over to the pirates. "They're the bad guys."

"Got it." Luffy looked up, and then suddenly, all the Death Eaters in the hall stumbled or shivered, losing balance, several falling over immediately. "Ano… I think I made it a bit too strong… I just wanted to scare them…"

"Luffy, do you want me to scare them?" Zoro spoke up.

"Huh? Okay. Hey, are you going to show them your demon illusion thingy?" Luffy sounded excited, and out of his eyes and all around his face were… SPARKLES?

"Yeah, sure, whatever." Zoro walked out from the rest a bit and took out all three swords. He closed his eyes, and said, as he opened them. "_Asura_."

Harry stumbled back, unnerved by a wave of unbridled, terror inspiring bloodlust and killing intent. He felt himself sweating in fear, which only intensified as he looked at the swordsman.

Zoro had grown two extra pairs of arms, and two more faces each holding a sword. A total of nine swords, and a crazy grin on each face. "Well? Are you terrified of Kyuutoryu yet?" Harry heard several people whimper, and then!

"Mugiwara!" A yell came from outside. Zoro released the Asura, a surprised look on his face.

"What? Zoro, I thought you said they couldn't follow us!"

"I— you— that's because I didn't think they could, moron! And it just had to be _Smoker_ of all people. Seriously, could there be any marine I like _less_?"

"Well, there's that marine girl. You hate Smoker because of her. Ano… there's the marine admirals, I don't really like any of them. And CP9, though they aren't really—" Luffy rambled on out loud.

"Luffy, please shut up. It was a figure of speech. Now get us back to the ship, we need to be on a familiar battlefield."

"Okay! GOMU GOMU NO~~~"

"Oh, great."

"Not again!"

"Seriously Luffy?"

"ROCKET!" And the pirates were gone.

Harry and all the other wizards watched as the pirates fought the marines, in particular the man that seemed to be able to turn into smoke. Eventually the light that had been floating above all their heads went over above the two ships and made the fantastical fight disappear.

"Harry?"

"What is it, Neville?" Neither Harry nor anyone else took their eyes away from the now empty lake.

"What just happened?"

"Pirates, Neville. Inter-dimensional travelling pirates." Harry turned around to face Voldemort. "Well, Tom, shall we start where we left off?" And so the battle began again.

.o.o.o.o.o.

* This is true. According to the list that was shown in the manga, Kalifa was the weakest of CP9, at least in purely physical attacks. Her Devil Fruit may change things.

** Okay, I know that Imperius isn't one of the spells that shows up as a jet of light, but here it is. Okay? Good.

A/N- Wow. That is long. And I didn't even include some of the other random stuff I mentioned earlier, like Luffy being bitten by either an Acromantula or a Werewolf. Hopefully you guys like it, I know I had fun. This is basically going to be a series of one-shots with Zoro making cameos in whatever series I feel like, and he may show up a few more times at Hogwarts after the battle is over and everything. You know, to mock them for being so weak. If you have a series, or even a specific scene from anything, that you'd like to see used in this, suggest it in a review and I'll see what I can do with it if I know the series. Live-action TV shows, manga, books, even other fanfiction (if I like it and have permission, of course). I'll respond in a PM if I feel like doing a suggestion. Be warned though: the Straw Hats (Zoro in particular), will be used to mock anyone and everyone for being weak.


	3. Swallow It Up

World: Bleach

Location: Karakura Town

Time (in world): post-Seireitei arc, pre-kidnapping (I don't exactly know the names of the Bleach arcs)

Time (One Piece): post-Skypeia

o.o.o.o.o

Orihime walked down the street, humming to herself. In her hand was a sack of groceries, enough for both her and her guests. She smiled as she thought back to Rangiku and Toshiro—sorry, Hitsugaya-taicho. She'd forgotten how much _fun_ it was to have someone else living with you.

Green beans, cold spaghetti, and some strawberry jam. The perfect recipe!

Orihime stopped and looked at the man that was sprawled out on the ground in front of her, snorinig. She looked at the three swords on his hip and his green hair. But his eyebrows were green, too. Was it natural?

If it was he was probably from Soul Society! Orihime grinned and moved to wake him up. She stopped short when she felt the cold metal of a blade resting at her throat.

"What do you want?" The man was looking at her through half lidded eyes. "You have five seconds to answer."

Orihime blinked. "Are you from Soul Society?" She tilted her head to the side.

The man stared at her for a few seconds. "…No."

A puzzled expression came across Orihime's face. "But your hair—"

"Finish that comment and I'll send your head flying." He glared at her.

"It's not dyed?"

"Of course not."

"But the only place I've seen people with funny hair colors living is Soul Society."

"Listen, girl, I have no idea what you're talking about. It's not like I know the name of every god-forsaken island in the Grand Line, alright?" He sheathed his sword.

Orihime tilted her head to the other side. "Grand Line? What is that?"

The man stared at her for a few seconds, and then lay back down on the ground. "Never mind. I figured out what happened. You can go."

Orihime asked again. "What's the Grand Line?"

The man groaned. "Can't you just go on your way and leave me alone?"

Orihime shook your head. "No. For all I know, you could be some robotic Arrancar in a Gigai, intent on waiting for one of our number to come across you, so you could devour us and lead the human race to worshipping giant sea cats!" Oh, the possibilities!

For his part, the man simply stared at her. "You do realize that there actually are people that consider giant sea cats to be sacred animals, right?"

"Really?" Orihime's eyes widened and she leaned over the man. How could there be something so amazing?

The man stared at her. "Yes, in Alabasta."

"Alabasta?"

He waved her away. "An island on the Grand Line."

"Which is?" She pressed. She really wanted to know now, especially since this was the second time he'd mentioned it.

He gave her a measuring glare, then sighed and looked away. "You sure you want to know? You probably wouldn't believe me."

"I've seen a lot of impossible things." Orihime said.

"So have I little girl, so have I…" The man murmured. Orihime waited a few more seconds, and was rewarded with an answer, though it definitely not one she was expecting.

"The Grand Line is a strip of deadly ocean that runs across the entire world. It is almost impossible to access, and surrounded on either side by the Calm Belts, two more strips of ocean that have no currents or wind, and serve as breeding grounds for especially large sea kings. Last but not least…" He smirked at her.

"The Grand Line is part a different world entirely."

Orihime's brain shut itself down momentarily.

o.o.o.o.o

"So you're really from a different universe?" Rangiku asked looking at him with starry eyes. "Not one of the Spirit Realms, but an honest-to-goodness separate dimension?"

Zoro raised an eyebrow. "… probably."

"Ne? What do you mean?" Rangiku put on her best 'confused pout.' Toshiro watched warily.

"Inoue-san showed me a globe earlier. I may not have a good sense of direction—"

Read: None at all.

"—but I do know that there aren't any land masses that large where I'm from. There was also no sign of the four Blues, the Red Line, or the Grand Line, and even I'm not bad enough with maps to miss those." He crossed his arms. "So… most likely."

Toshiro stared at the man. He couldn't have been more than twenty years old, and his hair was the kind that one usually only saw in the afterlife. But what really worried the young captain was the man's reiryoku: it was completely different from what he'd felt from anything else. It wasn't as if he felt like something other than human; it was more like his entire reiryoku trace had been… shifted. Was it a way to tell that the man was telling the truth?

At least the man wasn't paying attention to Rangiku's flirting or Orihime's clueless displayed… ahem, talent. Toshiro hadn't seen the man's eyes drift lower than they should even once, and that, at least, was enough to win some points in his book. His eyes drifted over to the lunch that Orihime was bringing out of the kitchen, and paled. Would this stranger be able to keep his stomach?

"Here you go!" Orihime said happily. "One Inoue special! I hope you like it, Roronoa-san." Orihime smiled as she dug into her food, and Rangiku did the same to her side. Toshiro simply took a small bowl of rice and quietly ate it, ruminating over what Orihime had said.

_So that's his name._

Zoro looked down at the food in front of him. Sure, he'd eaten a lot of stuff that wasn't exactly normal, sea kings included, but that didn't mean he could recognize whatever was put in front of him and dissect every last bit of the process used to make it.

That was that stupid ero-cook's job.

He took a bite and chewed slowly. It was odd, but…

"Not too bad. Extremely weird, but not too bad." Zoro said.

"Really? Arigato!" Orihime looked extremely happy. "Most people think my cooking is too weird to eat."

Zoro shrugged. "I lived in a boat for a long time, on my own, hunting bounties for a living while I trained. I was more interested in my training than in bounties, so I learned to eat what I could, when I could."

Toshiro and Rangiku suddenly jerked their heads to the sides, and a second later, Orihime did the same.

"Hollow…" Rangiku breathed. Toshiro stood up, while his gigai slumped to the ground.

"Stay here and watch the pirate. I'll take care of it." He walked out through the wall.

"Ah…" Orihime looked at Zoro nervously, while Rangiku did a double take. Zoro was staring at the exact spot Hitsugaya-taicho had left through, and didn't even look all that surprised. Why wasn't he looking worriedly at the unconscious gigai or freaking out about people walking through walls.

"Huh, didn't realize you guys had devil fruits here." He commented. Rangiku blinked.

What?

o.o.o.o.o

Zoro jumped from building to building, following the blonde that was running on air next to him.

"I don't see why you're so interested." Rangiku grumbled. He'd explained just why he wasn't all that surprised by what he'd seen, and she was jealous. _She_ wanted to see what happened in this Grand Line place. And it wasn't _fair_ that he could run from rooftop to rooftop, even though he was human. Why couldn't Urahara or that creepy Kurotsuchi-taicho make their gigai that good?

"Meh. I like testing myself. Those hollow things sound fun to fight."

Rangiku protested, not for the first, or last, time. "You can't fight them. You don't have spiritual powers!"

"I'll figure something out." He didn't seem perturbed in the slightest.

Rangiku made a vaguely disparaging noise. Whatever good things she'd felt about this strange boy (and to her, he was a boy; she'd been dead for centuries, _so there_) earlier, that feeling was gone, now replaced with nothing but annoyance and frustration.

o.o.o.o.o

"Matsumoto, what are you doing here?" Toshiro yelled. Why had she brought the man from the other world? Couldn't she tell how many hollows there were?

"I couldn't stop him, so I decided to come along with him as an escort."

"Good thing, too. Otherwise finding him would have been impossible. I'm surprised you didn't lose him along the way." A voice called from out to the side.

"I did…" Rangiku grumbled. Then her eyes widened as she realized that she didn't know who'd spoken. She whirled around. "Ah! Who're—?"

"Nami. And _this_," She put a hand on the hat of the reindeer she was riding on, "is Tony Tony Chopper."

"Hi!" The reindeer called out. He pawed the ground in lieu of a wave.

Toshiro and Rangiku blinked. "What."

Zoro frowned. "What are you doing here, sea witch?"

"Aw, so mean, Zoro-kun. Tell me, would you like me to increase your debt to me again?" The woman smiled sweetly.

He looked away, frowning. "What do you want?"

"To get you back to the ship. Kami knows you can't do it on your own."

"I don't believe in any Kami, and if there isn't a Kami, then what is there for it to know?" He smirked, but in doing so, forgot to watch for the hollows.

"Look out!" Rangiku yelled. Toshiro grit his teeth and ran forward, trying to shunpo there to stop the hollow that was swiping a paw at Zoro. For his part, Zoro raised a sword to stop it, but the hollow swiped through him anyways, pushing his soul out of his body, and seconds later gnashing his chain apart between its jaws.

Then Rangiku said a Bad Word. Don't say that word, kids!

"Ugh…" Zoro groaned. "Why do I feel so weak?" He stumbled to his feet.

And then a hollow ate him.

"Oi, marimo! Get out of there, you need to pay me back before you die!" Nami yelled. Chopper looked worried.

"Nami?" His voice wavered a bit.

"Don't worry, Chopper. It's Zoro, he'll be fine." She waved a hand nonchalantly.

"Fine?" Rangiku yelled. "His _soul_ was just eaten by a hollow, and you say he's _going to be fine_?" Didn't these humans (and reindeer) realize the severity of the situation their friend was in?

"Matsumoto…" Rangiku whirled around at her captain's voice. He pointed, hand shaking. "Look."

She did.

The hollow was moaning, clawing at its stomach. It sounded pitiful, and of the words coming out of its mouth, only a few could be recognized.

"Food… Bad… hurts… HURTS…" It's stomach was glowing, as the hollow struggled to put in enough reiryoku to fix the problem. However, it was not to be.

A hand punched its way out of the hollow's stomach, another following, and then the hollow's belly was ripped apart. Out stepped Zoro, while dozens of other souls stepped out behind him, dazed and confused.

"Stupid monster." Zoro spat. "Weak thing thought it could eat me, did it?"

"See, Chopper? He's fine." The reindeer nodded, relieved.

"Matsumoto, take care of the plusses." Toshiro ordered faintly. Rangiku walked over to souls and began to send them along to the afterlife. Zoro walked over to his body and nudged it with his foot, a frown on his face.

"How do I get back in?" He asked. Toshiro looked at him sadly. Well, at least he'd be a powerful addition to Soul Society.

"You can't." The young captain said.

Zoro scowled at him. "What do you mean?"

Toshiro sighed. He hated explaining to plusses about how they were effectively dead. "If your chain was still attached, we'd be able to simply drop you back into your body, but with your chain cut, it's impossible. Basically, you're dead."

Zoro looked at him for a few seconds before walking over to his body and picking up the two ends of the chain. He glared at them.

"Stop that." The ends of the chains stopped shivering, the mouths receding.

A tic mark appeared on Toshiro's forehead. This was supposed to be impossible.

"Fix yourself." He held the ends together, but they did nothing. His frown deepened, and he sat down. "Now."

The chains shivered once, but didn't do anything else. Toshiro started to walk over, but then stopped.

_Oh, for the love of all that is good and holy! What now?_

Zoro's swords were floating around him. Six altogether, three spirits, three solid, but all floating around him and his body.

A stream of white reishi came between the white swords, and a ghostly kanji escaped above it, saying "Birth." Next came a red stream between the two red swords, and this time, the kanji read "Life," and it came up to hover just below the white kanji. Lastly was a stream of navy blue reishi between the darker swords, and it's kanji read "Honor," and it hovered just below the red one. The swords began to spin around Zoro, the spirits in one direction, the solids in the other, while the three kanji slowly floated back down to the Zoro.

Toshiro felt a headache coming on, thinking of all the paperwork he'd have to deal with after this.

There was the expected flash of light, and, just that suddenly, Zoro was whole again.

"You were saying?"

"I won't even bother asking." Toshiro grumbled, and Rangiku stood of to the side, gaping.

"WAAAHHH!" came a cry. "Zoro, you idiot! I was so worried about you! I'm your doctor, jerk, your health is my priority!" Chopper was in his "tanuki" form, and hugging Zoro's head.

"Seriously, marimo, could you be any more stupid? Look you made Chopper cry." Nami said, smirking.

"Shut it." Zoro snarled. He looked absolutely fine, without even a scratch.

"Shiro…"

"It's Hitsugaya-taicho." Toshiro said on reflex.

She ignored him. "What are we going to tell the Seireitei?"

"We'll tell them exactly what happened, and hope that Kurotsuchi doesn't get his hands on them." Toshiro said.

"Well, bye!" Nami yelled, and she left on Chopper's back, Zoro following. "This jerk's grateful, too, he just won't admit it. If we see each other again, we'll show you our ship, alright?"

Chopper yelled out as well, "Yeah, bye!"

Zoro just waved a hand.

Rangiku and Toshiro watched them go for a few minutes.

"This is going to mean a lot of paper work isn't it?" Rangiku said.

"Yes, and I expect you to do yours." Toshiro began to walk off. The hollows had scattered after seeing the stomach of one of their own shredded from the inside.

"Taicho!"

o.o.o.o.o

OMAKE:

"You what?" Toshiro asked. Of course.

"I caught it all on video!" Urahara said happily, fan waving across his face.

"How?"

"Well, you see, I pressed this button…" He trailed of at the look on the young captain's face.

"I got a note." He admitted, fan gone.

"From _who_?" Who would know about something this ridiculous beforehand?

"It's just signed Phoenix." Urahara said.

Toshiro just stared at him.

"I'm sure Kurotsuchi-kun will love the gift!" The fan was back out.

Toshiro resisted the urge to groan, settling for a twitching eye instead.

o.o.o.o.o

A/N- Well, there's the first request! This one goes out to **formerlyarandomreviewer**, who requested "Bleach: Orihime's cooking." Of course, that's not quite what I meant, since this isn't really the definition of a situation a person should die in, so I added in the second half. As for the presence of the random floating sword situation? Bleach is confusing at the best of times, and it annoys me sometimes, has plot holes, etc. I like it, but it's not quite as good as One Piece (not that there are many manga that are). As it stands, I figured there should be a completely, ridiculously stupid and unblievable situation for him to survive, rather than just intimidating the chains or using pure willpower like I originally planned to happen.

And yes, I'm Phoenix, in the Omake.

Just so that I don't get similar requests from multiple people:

I am nott going to use series that I don't know, which includes: Anything Marvel, Halo, Mario (any), Fire Emblem 10 (are there other numbers?), or Percy Jackson.

I also will not be using a "real world" scenario.

The box down below is hungry. Feed it!


	4. Big Blind Tent

A/N: Alright, before anyone comments on how bad this chapter is: it felt _really_ forced. I could barely write it, but it was requested, so I did. Don't complain overly much, please?

World: Bleach

Location: (fake)-Karakura Town

Time (in world): Fake-Karakura Town arc (I think)

Time (One Piece): post-Thriller Bark

Hitsugaya panted, hand on the wound in his side. The Tercera Espada, Tier Harribel, was proving a tough match, and she wasn't even in her Resurrección, yet. Kurosaki hadn't even shown up yet, and he was, for all intents and purposes, the only one that could fight Aizen, not having seen his shikai.

"Now," began the scantily dressed arrancar in front of him, "You shall—"

She was cut off by a bright ball of light appeared in the sky, dousing everything in purple. Hitsugaya's eyes widened. Was this another one of Aizen's machinations?

"Yo-ho-ho-ho! Yo-ho-ho-ho~!" Singing came from the ship, loud and clear. The ship seemed to be floating down, a giant octopus attached to it like a balloon. Hitsugaya felt his mouth drop open in astonishment, and then quickly fumbled to close it again and keep is unflappable persona in place. He gripped his sword tighter and looked over at his opponent, only to see that she seemed a surprised as he was, though he couldn't really see much of her face.

"Binkusu no sake wo, todoke ni yuku yo—" The singing was still coming from the ship.

"What's going on here?" A voice called out from the ship. Hitsugaya turned slightly towards the voice, only to feel himself twitch as he saw the ridiculous human he'd met several months earlier.

"We are in the middle of a battle. You are not welcome to participate. What is your purpose here, Roronoa?" He called out.

Zoro raised an eyebrow, and then looked around. "Wow, you caused a lot of property damage here. Not as much as we usually do, but a fair amount for do-gooders like you, I suppose." His eyes glinted in amusement as he drifted by on his (their? Hitsugaya didn't actually know who it belonged to) ship.

"Mellorine, mellorine~!" A voice called out from next to him. The blond man jumped down to a building that was several dozen meters from Hitsugaya, right in front of… Matsumoto.

"Ah, for such a beauty as yourself, I would cook even one of the sea kings that pull the great ship Noah!" He took her hand in his own and kissed it, before looking up at her with hearts in his eyes.

"Sanji-ku~n! Get back on the ship!" A feminine voice yelled out. One that Hitsugaya actually recognized.

"Hai~, Nami-swa~n!" The man jumped in to air, and ran back to the ship. Hitsugaya blinked, and then his eyes grew as he realized that the man hadn't manipulated any reishi to get back to his floating ship at all.

"How…" He whispered, and then his voice trailed off. He shook his head. He called out, "As it stands, we are currently deciding the fate of the world here, so I'm sure we'd all appreciate it if you'd either help out or leave." He crossed his arms and stared at them. "Well?"

"Neh, neh? Zoro, you know these people?" A childish, obnoxious voice called out from the (still floating) ship. "What are they?"

"They claim they're shinigami." Several screams of fright echoed out from the ship. Hitsugaya adopted a rather deadpanned expression, and he noticed several fellow captains claim the same.

"Whoa, shinigami?" The boy with the straw hat had sparkling eyes. "Do you poop?"

Silence. Silence all around. Several captains and vice-captains had twitching eyebrows, most noticeably Hitsugaya-taicho, Yamamoto-soutaicho, and Soi Fong-taicho.

"OW!"

"Baka! What is it with you that makes you ask all the dead people you meet that stupid question? Some captain you are." The orange haired woman from the first time the pirates had visited was talking, and hitting, the boy who was apparently the ship's captain.

"Meat? Where?" _How_ was this guy captain?

"What do you mean other dead people?" Soi Fong asked hesitantly.

"Try talking to our musician." The woman, Nami, suggested. "He died for the first time fifty years ago, and spent most of those fifty years alone and stranded on a ghost ship. He's a bit loopy, but okay. Perverted, though."

"They're not going to make you die before meeting Laboon, so you don't have to hide, you stupid skeleton!" Zoro yelled.

"Noooo!"

"Wah! Zoro! Stop!" a high pitched voice, which Hitsugaya identified as the reindeer thing he'd met before, was wailing.

"aaaaaaAAAAAAaaaah!" The scared voice yelled, as a blur came off the ship, flew by Hitsugaya, and then fell onto the street below. Hitsugaya walked closer to the edge of the building to look and see what the black blur had been.

"You seem to have forgotten us." Tier Harribel commented.

"With the craziness going on, is it really all that surprising?" Toshiro asked. "There is a ship on a floating octopus and it has a pirate flag. I really think most of these fights can be postponed, if only because of the sheer insanity." He was, by this point, deadpanning.

Harribel eyed him for a few moments, then stepped back onto a building, finally off the air, and looked down at the ground. Her eyes widened and she stumbled back. Toshiro raised an eyebrow and walked over to the edge of the roof.

Said eyebrow began to twitch. "This is impossible. These people are impossible. How is this in any way possible?" He was seething.

"Ah, Zoro there are stars in my eyes from where I fell and hit my head…"

"Wait for it…" Zoro commented, staring straight at Hitsugaya, and had at some point come down to stand on the building directly opposite him. _Why am I the focus of these odd foreigners?_

"But I don't have any eyes!" And suddenly, a skeleton was standing on rail, hand and cane pointing to the sky.

Soi Fong's lieutenant was gaping and pointing at the skeleton, and most of the other shinigami in the area were just watching him, eyes twitching.

Soi Fong was suddenly in front of the skeleton man, sword pointed at him. "How are you still alive?"

"It's his devil fruit." A feminine voice called out from the ship again, and Hitsugaya glanced over to see the brunette that was leaning against the railing of the ship. There was nothing all that odd about her, so he ignored her and went back to staring at the skeleton in front of him.

The skeleton leapt at Soi Fong, and asked a rather inappropriate question of the short woman in front of him. "May I see your panties?"

"Of course not!" Soi Fong yelled as she kicked him across the face. "How could you even ask something like that?" She was incensed.

"Ah, ma'am, you break my heart…" There was silence, as they waited, hushed by the crew members, who looked like they were anticipating something extremely stupid to happen. He popped back up. "But I don't have a heart!"

Most of the people present, shinigami and pirates alike, deadpanned at him. Some laughter could be heard from the ship, but Hitsugaya ignored it. Was this guy serious?

"Oi, Brook! Get back on the ship!" Nami yelled. "Either help them fight the weird guys or get back here! Zoro's soul got eaten last time we were here!"

Harribel blinked over at the crew. "How is he still alive?"

"He tore his way out of its stomach," Several arrancar took hasty, subconscious steps back at Nami's amused words," glared at some weird chain coming out of his chest until it stopped eating itself out of pure fear," Hitsugaya palmed his forehead, knowing what was coming next. "And then his swords did some weird spinny thing and he was back in his body." She finished offhandedly.

"I wonder what would have come from Shuusui?" Zoro mused as he stroked a hand along one of the sheaths that hung at his side, a black one. "I wonder if being owned by a zombie would affect it here. After all, this world seems to be quite attuned to the dead."

"Ah! Where?" The skeleton yelled before jumping unbelievably high to get back on the ship. Hitsugaya simply stared, trying to get his senses back in order. The situation was too confusing to try anything else.

Zoro turned to the large block of fire at the other edge of the city. He drew a sword and pointed it at the prison. "What's that for?"

"Aizen." Hitsugaya said shortly. "He's a psychopathic ex-Shinigami that wants to use all the souls in Karakura town to create a key to reach the Soul King, kill him, and reach the king's position as God."

Zoro stared at him. "God? Seriously? We had enough trouble dealing with Enel's delusions of grandeur, we don't need to do it again."

Twitching eyebrows. Throbbing veins. Falling sweatdrops.

_**Everywhere.**_

Zoro glared at the prison. "What is it with every idiot with an above normal power thinking they're a shoo-in for Pirate King, or God, or even whatever it was that Crocodile was trying to be. Really, it's annoying."

He was still glaring at the prison. Hitsugaya suddenly remembered what his glaring had done the last time it had been involved in some sort of spiritual matter, and Zoro had done the impossible. Toshiro knew exactly what the problem was now. Whatever happened, they had to get Roronoa Zoro out of this world. He was too dangerous.

"What's going on?" Matsumoto's fearful voice broke through his thoughts and he turned to look at her. She was staring straight at… the… prison…

He was too late.

The prison was disintegrating right before his eyes. He turned to look at Roronoa, who simply seemed a bit amused, and was treating it all like some sort of TV show or something. Hitsugaya doubted the man – the _boy –_ was any more aware of how he'd caused than anyone else in the area, which, in Toshiro's opinion, meant he was far more dangerous than if he'd been able to control what he was doing. Uncontrolled power, like Kurosaki's early on, was volatile and dangerous, because, more often than not, the power simply went out into the air and stayed there until the person that emitted it got into an intense emotional state, and then the power went out of control and the very air was twisting at it. This man didn't seem to have raw power like that, but it still seemed to be the double edged blade that uncontrolled power often was: hurting allies as often as enemies. This time hurting them by letting the enemy escape into the open to attack the allies.

"No…" Toshiro breathed. Aizen couldn't escape, not yet!

"My, my, my…" Aizen said. "It doesn't seem that Kurosaki-kun is here yet. I suppose I'll just have to—"

"Oi, oi, who're you?" Luffy called out from the ship, hanging his arms out over the sides.

Aizen turned a slight amount of irritation marring his features, though it was commendable, how well he kept up his genial smile. "I am Aizen Sosuke."

"He's a shinigami turned traitor." Hitsugaya translated for the pirates, having noticed that several of them had short attention spans and, ahem, less than impressive IQs.

"So he's evil?" Some long-nosed boy asked, hiding behind the mast somewhat, clutching an extremely odd slingshot close to him.

"Sure. Let's go with that." Toshiro said, _almost_, but not quite, deadpanning.

"Zoro, what's that guy doing?" Histugaya turned to look at the reindeer, and then what the reindeer was pointing at. In other words: Tousen, activating his Bankai at the Straw Hats.

"Well, s—" Matsumoto said another Bad Word.

Seriously, kids, don't say it!

o.o.o.o.o

There were odd noises coming from the Bankai that enclosed the Thousand Sunny. Even Aizen and Gin looked somewhat interested in what was happening.

A loud yell, sounding like it was somewhat enjoying itself rang out from the enclosed space, and was then eclipsed by loud, raucous laughter. Hitsugaya identified the rather bloodthirsty laugh as belonging to the green-haired pirate he was coming to despise, though Matsumoto seemed almost ready to giggle at the situation.

"Itouryu: Shishi Sonson!" Following the exclamation, a loud scream came from the overly large Bankai. Tousen's scream.

The giant tent collapsed in on itself, and revealed the pirates standing as they had been earlier, with Tousen on the ground, bleeding from a large cut across his torso, most likely due to Roronoa, Hitsugaya thought, since the man was still in a sort of finishing stance.

Toshiro look up at Aizen, only to see him looking thoughtfully at the pirates.

_No…_

"Well, well, well…" Aizen said as he walked towards the ship. "You have peaked my interest."

He drew his sword, and the pirates drew back. "Shatter…"

"Don't look!" Toshiro yelled at the pirates. They all shielded their eyes or looked away, even the stupid looking captain's eyes were covered by the hand of the orange-haired girl next to him. Everyone except…

"Kyoka Suigetsu." Everyone except the green-haired swordsman.

"Eh?" Zoro tilted his head to the side. Hitsugaya resisted the urge to bang his head against a wall.

"Kanzen Saimin." Aizen said, and Zoro's body was suddenly on guard.

"Ne, ne, floating guy, what did you do to Zoro?" The Straw Hat boy asked, eyes still covered by the hands of the girl next to him.

"I simply took control of all his senses. I can control everything he hears, sees, smells, tastes, feels… everything." He smirked at them.

"Oh, so it's a Mystery Attack!" Hitsugaya once again resisted the urge to hit his head on a very hard surface. He settled for face-palming. "Can I look now, Nami?"

The girl pulled her hands from his face, but only to bury her head in them. "Why?" she sobbed melodramatically. "Why do I have such an idiot for a captain?"

"Nami-swa~n! Don't cry! I shall do everything in my power to bring a smile to your beautiful face once more!" The blonde was once more dancing around the young woman.

Roronoa drew a sword, his face oddly blank. "I'm just going to guess that I've been hypnotized and that's that."

"Yes, you idiot!" Nami shouted.

"He can't here you." Aizen said, smirk playing on his lips once more.

Zoro began to swing his sword at enemies that were invisible to all but him. "Eh, it's good training." The swords began to come perilously close to the shinigami and the other pirates.

"Someone stop him, he'll attack people thinking they're just illusions!" A voice called out. Hitsugaya didn't have the time to pick out who.

"I'll do it." Soi Fong said, and held up her Shikai. "If I do manage to hit him twice, it'll be over. His life is a necessary sacrifice if we are to win against Aizen." She began to run towards the pirate, jumping in and out, and butterflies bloomed across his body, and he swung his sword to hit her, Aizen's illusions trying to keep time with the petite woman that actually was attacking.

"Got it!" Soi Fong yelled, and her Shikai plunged straight into the middle of a butterfly that had already been created. Zoro stopped, and then fell to his knees and began to cough up blood. He collapsed and his soul was, just as the previous time, missing from his body, a corroded chain held in the hands of his plus form.

"This again?"

Aizen blinked. "I haven't ever used my shikai on the living and then killed them before. Perhaps it needs to be reapplied?" He once more began to draw his sword.

"Ah, ah, ah~!" A figure in a silver cloak landed in front of him. "Don't do that, Aizen-chan, the shows only just about to start!"

A tic mark appeared on Aizen's forehead at her "honorific," though it didn't do much to honor him, but replied smoothly, "And what show might that be? More to the point, who are you?"

The figure, presumably a woman, tilted her head to the side. "The magic swords! Of course, I'm the only one that knows what's going on, so I suppose I can't blame you for being confused, and as for who I am?" She jumped backwards, landing in a position that suggested an invisible floating armchair was holding her up.

"Just call me Phoenix." She wiggled her fingers at him in a girlish wave, and then pointed at the green-haired pirate.

"Now enjoy the show, I know the readers probably aren't."

Aizen ignored the comment about the readers, and turned to look at the man, who had six swords floating about him, three as spirits, three as physical entities.

The white swords connected in a burst of white reishi, which let out a ghostly kanji spelling "Birth."

The red swords connected in a burst of red reishi, which let out a second ghostly kanji spelling "Life."

The black swords connected in a burst of black reishi, which let out a third ghostly kanji spelling "Death."

The swords began to spin around the man and his body, while the three kanji sank down towards the glowing vortex. In a large flash of light, the swords were gone, back in their sheaths, while the man was back in his body.

"That made no sense. Absolutely no sense." For once, Aizen found himself in the position of being extremely and completely confused, understanding approximately five and a half percent of what was occurring.

"Yeah, well, it's not really supposed to." The figure sighed. She jumped forward, towards the pirates. "Would you like to go back to the Grand Line, now, Straw Hats?"

"Who are you?" Nami asked pointing at her accusingly with her Clima-Tact.

The figure shrugged. "That doesn't matter. In any case…" She raised a hand, and a purple ball of light appeared above them, swirling out into a wormhole. "Bye!"

The Straw Hats, as a whole, were drawn up into the wormhole, ship and all. The floating octopus went up last, and the wormhole closed up.

Hitsugaya pointed his sword at the grey-clothed figure. "Just who are you, and how did you do that?"

"Aw, you can guess, can't you, Shiro-kun?" A tic mark appeared on the young captain's forehead. "I even left you guys a note the last time I was here!"

Time seemed to freeze for Toshiro. "You're Phoenix."

The girl giggled and gave him a thumbs-up. "Exactly!"

She disappeared in a puff of smoke.

o.o.o.o.o

Don't ask. Just… don't ask, please.

This was written as requested by neon, for Zoro to show up during the Aizen fight.

So, as clarification, stories that have been suggested since last time and are being rejected due to my being unfamiliar with them: Kuroshitsuji, FMA, Marvel Asgard, Justice League, Legend of Zelda, and Zombie Loan.

Note: If you make a suggestion, don't make it just a general series or something. It's a lot easier to come up with something if a scene or situation is specified.


	5. Wimpy Little Note

A/N: The concept of the girl from the Bleach chapters, AKA Phoenix, will be expounded upon. Also, please don't get too angry about the paragraph long descriptions on what the OCs look like; there's actually important information hidden there. Plus, they're the only characters that you lovely readers can't just Google an image of in order to get an idea of what they look like, so I have to give a description in order for you to understand what it is that I'm talking about. I know, I find it annoying to read stuff like that in stories too, but sometimes it's necessary.

World: Death Note

Location: various, no specific location, really; starts out in Light's office, moves on to a random street

Time (in world): mid-time-skip

Time (One Piece): Post-Thriller Bark (after the second Bleach encounter)

Light Yagami was sitting in his office, contemplating his next move to keep himself from being caught as Kira. In the middle of his pondering, a warm rush of wind crossed his desk, ruffling the papers there.

"So much to do. So many sinful people to rid the world of…" He mused, voice very quiet, and vaguely pleased, so only Ryuuk, right behind him, could hear.

"Heh, heh…" The floating Shinigami chuckled, though something in his voice made it seem more like he was laughing at the wind than at what Light had said. After a few seconds, Ryuuk rasped, "You should check your Note."

"Hm?" Light looked up and over at his benefactor of sorts. "Any particular reason why?"

Ryuuk chuckled again. "There seems to be an anomaly in the worlds."

Light raised an eyebrow, but reached under his desk and pulled the note out of the hidden drawer anyway. He opened it, flipping through until he found a page that contained writing he'd not put in.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" He murmured, running a hand over the words. "A false immunity to death? Or at least seems to have some sort of resistance against actions which would normally render him dead?"

He turned to his twisted blue companion. "Ryuuk, what do you make of this? And why is this here?"

Ryuuk continued to grin. "There are many worlds, and the Shinigami, or at least the heads of the Shinigami, in each dimension can contact one another. In the Bleach dimension, the head general of one of the Soul Divisions, the Seireitei, sent the word out to the rest of the worlds, warning us of a possible danger. The man this mentions, this Roronoa Zoro, seems to be difficult to kill in ways that most people should submit to, including having his soul ripped out and eaten, which should lead to immediate death in the world he was in at the time."

Light frowned. "And you didn't tell me of these dimensional connections before, why?"

Ryuuk just kept his everlasting grin on his face, rolling an apple in his hands. "You didn't ask."

Light narrowed his eyes before turning back to the note. "What are the chances of this man coming here?"

Ryuuk shrugged. "Minimal."

Light put the note back in its hiding place. "Then it's not my problem."

Ryuuk didn't know why, but he felt a shiver go down his spine at those words.

o.o.o.o.o

A figure in a grey cloak laughed to herself. "Silly, silly Light. Didn't you know not to tempt fate?"

"You're not Fate." A young woman said from the side of the cloaked figure.

"Bah! What do I care for that?" The cloaked figure crossed her arms immaturely. "Who should I send to get him in?"

The girl shrugged. "Anyone would do. Lightning Queen, maybe? Although Blood Mage could probably make that idiotic Light wet himself…"

"Both our pretty girls, eh?" The figure laughed. "I see what you mean. Our little wolf princess could make him see just about anything, which would be funny, but I don't really think it would mean anything big for what I'm trying to do. Not amusing enough, and not enough irony. Blood Mage would be better in that respect. But use the codenames I gave you, not those silly little titles you got, Agent Goldstone."

The girl shrugged uncomfortably. "Fine. Agent Opal or Agent Diamond, then, if we're using the jewel names."

The figure nodded. "We'll send in Sneaks, she'll have fun with him. I've wanted to get a better look at that marimo's bodily functions, see how he has so much blood and all that. You know, see if there's anything special in the blood, not just the body."

"I thought you said to use our jewel-based codenames?" The younger questioned.

"I'm your boss; I get to do what I want."

"Of course." The girl noted, sarcasm fairly dripping from her words.

"Send her in with Dragon, and you go too."

"Me?"

"I want an analysis, child. I may come and visit; I've wanted to talk to Ryuuk for a while. You're our medical specialist. Diamond may be better at blood analysis, but you're who I need out in the field today."

The girl sighed. "Yes, ma'am."

"You're being awfully respectful today."

"Shut up, I was doing fine until you ruined it."

"Sure you were."

o.o.o.o.o

"The door is glowing." Zoro said to himself, glancing at the door to the boys' bunks again. If it didn't stop glowing, he wouldn't be able to get out of the room.

"If the door's glowing, then it'll probably take me to another dimension again, like Nami said it would after I went to that castle with the giant snake, and the place I got eaten in and met the shinigami folk at."

He stared for a few seconds, and then shrugged. "Oh well. Not like I'll get anything done staying here."

So he walked through the door.

o.o.o.o.o

"Thanks for putting that suggestion into his thoughts, Opal." The grey figure watched the scene, commenting to one of her… minions.

"It wasn't exactly needed, Boss. He would have gone in on his own, no subliminal suggestions needed."

The grey-cloaked girl waved a hand dismissively. "Doesn't matter. He's starting to catch on. He might stop doing as we like soon. Did you catch a glimpse on his thoughts on the situation recently?"

Opal, as she was apparently called, shrugged. "He doesn't really think about it all that much. Right now, he seems to be choosing a bit of a 'go with the flow' approach. Take it as it comes, I suppose."

The grey figure nodded slowly. "Good… Should I work on the other project, too? The others are a bit busy right now."

"Let's just finish up with what we've got right now, okay, boss?"

The grey figure shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. I'll work on them later."

"_Them_? You have _more?_"

"Yep!"

o.o.o.o.o

Zoro looked around. People were edging away from him, whispering into hands, though no-one seemed to be trying to kill him or call the marines. He simply walked along, until he saw a young man, perhaps his own age, across the street, with a large monster floating behind him. They were all walking in the same direction, so he simply crossed the street when appropriate (though why he knew when was appropriate, he had no idea). He walked over to the young man and jabbed a thumb at the monster.

"That normal around here?" What Zoro didn't expect was the slight widening of eyes, or the harsh laughter of the blue creature.

"You can see him." It wasn't a question. The next thing Light, for the young man was indeed Light, said, however, was. "Have you touched a DeathNote at any point?"

Light was intrigued. This person before him could see Ryuuk. However, that meant he would have had to have touched Ryuuk's DeathNote at some point.

"A what?"

Light felt as if a weight had dropped inside him. Apparently, the man had done so without realizing. Completely useless, then, and a possible hindrance to his plans; he would have to get rid of him. Now, to ask for his name…

"Light." He held out his hand to shake. The man in front of him raised an eyebrow, but didn't shake his hand.

"Roronoa Zoro." Light felt as if the world was crashing down around his ears. This was the one that was immune to death? Let's see how that worked. Light inconspicuously took out a piece of paper and a pen, the paper of course being from his DeathNote, and wrote the name down, putting the time at just over five minutes from then. He then proceeded to question the man before him before said man's untimely, heart-attack induced death.

"Tell me, do you know why you can see my… associate?"

"I shouldn't?"

_Really? Is this guy serious?_ Light thought. _Is he immune to death because he's too stupid to understand it or something?_ "No, he should be invisible."

"Ch. Doesn't matter." Zoro turned and started to walk away, but was stopped by a childish voice.

"Of course it does!" A young voice called, immature as it was. "If you can see a shinigami of this world, you have to have touched a Death Note. But you, Roronoa, didn't and don't need to because you have died, sort of, repeatedly, _and_ you're on their hit list!"

There was a long pause. "So what's my bounty with them?"

The redheaded girl grinned, swinging upside down with her knees hooked around a tree branch, hands behind her head. "There isn't any inter-dimensionally recognized bounty for bringing in your soul, or any inter-dimensionally recognized bounties on most people unless you're on _our_ level, but you'll be glad to know that this place, at least, has a do not engage order. Not quite a flee on sight order, but they've decided that you're too dangerous to engage in combat or attempt to kill, so they've been ordered not to write your name in their magic little notebooks!"

"Magic notebooks?" Zoro asked. "That's… kind of sad. Those other guys actually used swords."

"Yeah, well, not all spiritual authorities can be awesome." She dropped down, flipping over so that she was standing straight up. Her hair was curly and red, and fell down past her waist, held down close to her head by her hat puffy hat. Her skin was extremely pale, and seemed to glow, and her clothing was odd, all in black leather and scarlet trimmings; she had a short diamond necklace around her neck, with an odd red feather tattooed on the side of her neck. She held out a hand to Zoro. "Agent Diamond, AKA- 'The Blood Mage,' pleased to meet you."

He stared at her for a few moments, until she dropped her it. "Why are you here?"

The now-named Agent Diamond shrugged. "I was sent by my boss. She likes to meddle with stuff, and you interest her, so… yeah. I'm not the only one either, I was actually sent with my superior and one of my coworkers. They're right behind Ryuuk." She pointed behind the two men and the Shinigami, all three of whom turned to look at the two girls that were behind them.

One was honey blonde with a streak of bright orange in her short, shoulder length hair, and she stood dressed in red and orange; the fabric was of a type where it seemed as if every movement was making it look as if a shimmer of fire was crossing her. She also looked older than the girl next to her or the one that had introduced herself as Diamond. Her choker, as she had one in place of the necklace the other girl had had, was a simple, square cut ruby. She stood with her arms crossed and all her weight on one leg, smirking. The same feather tattoo was on her, along her collar bone, and she had a metal version of it hanging from one ear.

The other one was a brunette, a glistening gold streak right near the front of her face, her wavy, messy hair reaching nearly to her waist, and looked at them with a deadpan expression on her face. Her arms were held together behind her back loosely, and her legs were close together and her weight evenly distributed. Her clothing was, like the first girl, mostly black, though hers had gold and yellow accents instead of scarlet; her clothing seemed to be based on those colors more for functionality than for style. Around her neck hung a necklace with a number of jewels on it, the largest being a piece of goldstone that hung from the center, shaped into a nice and shiny hemisphere. There were little black feathers, made of hematite, hanging in between them all. Her feather tattoos couldn't be seen, but they would later see two, one on the inside of each wrist.

"And who are you?" Light asked as pleasantly as he could, considering the absurdity of what was happening.

"Agent Ruby, but we all have our own nicknames, plenty of them; my preferred one is Dragon." The blonde said.

The brunette stared at them blandly for a few seconds, and then offered up her own introduction, sounding bored. "Agent Goldstone. No preferred nickname, so you will refer to me simply as Goldstone. Medical specialist, _de facto_ missions' captain and vice-president of the Phoenix Corporation, and I'm the one in charge of the current situation, so if you attack me… go ahead if you want, but it won't end well for you in particular. It would be, dare I say it, too _troublesome_ to do so, on your parts." Her face betrayed no hint of emotion, but amusement laced her tone, particularly at the last words.

"And what would you do?" Zoro asked, not looking all that interested.

The girl regarded him with a bored expression. "You know those heart attacks that Yagami-kun is so fond of? No? It doesn't matter. The point is, I can cause one without touching you. So can Diamond. Dragon would just burn you to a crisp. We don't really want to kill you, Roronoa-san, though I, personally, would have no compunctions against killing Light. It's only under boss's orders that I'm not doing so right now. I kind of have a thing against god complexes."

Zoro raised an eyebrow and glanced around. "Okay. You three are here for something. Would you mind telling us what?"

"Yes, we would mind. We would particularly mind since we already gave out a few hints. Oh, and Light? Check your watch."

Light stared at her for a few seconds, as if asking what she wanted.

"It's been five minutes. Don't worry about the fact that you forgot about writing that name down a while ago; whenever we appear on scenes randomly, it tends to throw people for a bit of a loop. Especially when Jay decides to burst out of the floor yelling 'FREEDOM!' and pretends that I buried him there as revenge for something decades earlier." Light stared at her some more. "Watch. Now." Goldstone ran a finger around her forearm, finally revealing the feather tattoos that were on the inside of her wrists.

Light waited a second before turning to his watch. She wasn't lying: more than five minutes had passed since he'd written the name in his book, though where that time went was still a mystery to him. Time just didn't move that fast; it hadn't felt like more than two minutes, let alone five.

o.o.o.o.o

"You remembered to speed up time enough that they would be able to use their dramatic timing well, right Nightingale?" Phoenix asked leaning over the table in front of the monitors, head next to that of her slicked-back platinum blonde haired (with a random, long black bang that hung in front of his face) minion.

"I thought that was Moonstone's job?" He commented. "After all, he's the one with the time powers. Right now, I'm just watching the monitors."

Phoenix blinked. "I thought you guys had already developed those storage units for when one of the others' powers was needed but they weren't available? Weren't you going to use one as a practice run with this?"

Nightingale shrugged, taking a sip of tea. "Yeah. I did."

"Why didn't you say so? Why did you-?"

He shrugged. "I felt like it."

She sighed and ruffled his hair affectionately. "Silly minion. Tricks are for kids."

o.o.o.o.o

"No, we have a werewolf friend with power over time." Goldstone waved him off. "And before you ask, since I know you will: yes, I read your mind."

"I think Zoro's trying to get himself lost again." Diamond commented. "Or is it on purpose?"

"Just go and get him." Goldstone waved her off. Diamond darted over, and after several seconds of discussion, managed to convince the swordsman to come back to the group with her.

"Joy. Now, if you'll come with us, Roronoa-san?" Goldstone said. "Generally, we'd leave you to be found by someone on your crew, but this time I think it would be best if we sent you back ourselves. Especially considering the boy behind us."

"I'm twenty. I'm not a boy; I'm a man." Light spoke up, feeling insulted.

Agent Goldstone simply waved a hand at him. "Don't care. You're immature, and I don't particularly like you. Go away, we already proved that you're not capable of killing him with a DeathNote, so we don't need you anymore."

"Is that so?" He asked, genial smile on his face, though inside he was raging at the impossibility of it all.

"Mage?" Goldstone asked.

"On it." Agent Diamond said, and, grinning, put her forearm up to her mouth, biting it and drawing blood. She swung her arm outward, and the blood flew through the air. With a flick and a chop of her hand, the blood moved towards Light and swam through the air around him. "My own blood isn't the only kind I can control. Just as easily as I control the blood that is in the air right now, I could do the same to yours." The blood flew back to her and coiled through the space around her. "Do you know what's so special about that?"

She darted over to him, slipping up behind him, and put her head right next to her ear. "I could give you a heart attack more easily than you could give one to anyone else." She raised a hand up next to his shoulder, and Light felt the unsettling feeling of his blood straining towards the girl's hand. "I could drain you dry."

Light stepped forward a bit, away from Agent Diamond. "Fine. I'll leave."

"Of course you will, and Ryuuk is going to leave, too. Bye-bye, now!" She pushed him forward and waved cheerily. The other two girls watched on, one in amusement, the other in disdain.

"Alright, Roronoa." Goldstone said, raising a hand and snapping her fingers. From the snap came circle, which widened until it was about a meter wide; it was a glowing purple disk. "This portal will take you to the air above the ship. All we ask in return is a blood sample."

Zoro raised an eyebrow. "Why are you asking for that? Or even sending me back? Are you the ones that sent me here in the first place?"

"I blame the boss." Dragon said. "She likes to meddle with things like this."

"Listen, we'll send you back in a minute, but the boss wanted an analysis and we just need to get that done."

"What do you mean, analysis?" Zoro asked.

"We need some blood for Diamond to analyze, and I'm our medical specialist, and I want a look at your bone marrow. We can get the blood simply, and I don't actually need to get anything, I just need to concentrate a bit of… well, a bit of my power, since it doesn't really act like energies in other worlds, into your arm or something and see what happens. I promise we won't hurt you in any way, shape, or form. If we wanted to do that, we would have done it already."

"But why?" Zoro questioned.

"Boss thinks you're awesome. That's pretty much it." Goldstone shrugged. She walked up to him and put a hand on his arm. "Unfortunately, I can most definitely understand why."

o.o.o.o.o

"Oh, you're lucky I'm sequestered away in this little monitor room, Roronoa. I know you're not the kind that does this, but you better not take advantage of my girlfriend if she fangirls or something." The platinum blonde minion muttered, a small, amused grin playing on his lips.

o.o.o.o.o

A golden glow emanated from Goldstone's hand where it was in contact with Zoro. Her eyes were closed at first, but after a few seconds, they opened and a flash crossed across the one on her left. "Analysis complete."

She pulled a needle out of nowhere. "Mind giving us some blood now?"

Zoro shrugged. "It's just a little blood; go ahead." He held out his arm, and Goldstone quickly pulled some blood and tossed the needle to Diamond, who quickly caught it and stowed it away. With a finger poke and some more golden energy, the wound was gone. What Zoro didn't notice, however, was that, while he retained the injuries he'd received at Thriller Bark, the injuries he'd received during his trip to the world of the Bleach were gone.

_Don't want Sabaody to go even worse than it's already going to be. We're not changing the plot, only the in-betweens._

"Bye." Goldstone said blithely, and the still floating purple disk was suddenly set down in the ground a few feet from Zoro.

He walked into it and fell through.

"So… we good?" Diamond asked out loud.

"Let's just get back to headquarters; I've had enough of this." She walked off into a portal of her own, and the two others followed up.

o.o.o.o.o

"What did you manage to get? Did you find out?" Phoenix was giddy. Would the answer to Zoro's ungodly amount of blood finally be answered?

"We found absolutely nothing. There's no explanation. Oda created a monster." Goldstone stated.

Phoenix drooped. "Aw. So we sent him to Death Note for nothing?"

"I got to mess with Light's head and scare him! That's a good thing!" Diamond chirped.

"Can I do something more next time? I kind of did nothing." Dragon asked.

"This has officially reached the point of ridiculousness. I'm leaving."

Goldstone stalked off.


	6. Decision

February 5th, 2013:

Okay, so, a lot of people have been begging me to continue this. I decided to read through some old chapters and see if I could get inspired to write another chapter. Instead, I came to a rather frightening conclusion:

My writing for Impossible _sucked._

Honestly, this was only my second story on the site, and my first one that wasn't a oneshot. It's clear to me that I've grown a lot in terms of writing skill over the past year if _that_ is what I used to write like. Looking over them now, I can tell that the chapters would need some serious revamping in order to be up to my new standards. This leaves us with two options:

1. I leave them as-is, and abandon the story, labeling it as Complete.

2. I rewrite the story entirely, which could take a very long time.

Tell me which you would like. Unless I get, let's say, two dozen reviews telling me to go for the second option, I'll stick to the first option. I'm not demanding reviews here; I'm just not willing to put in that much effort into a project when I already have so many waiting for me elsewhere unless there really is that high of a demand for it, and a promise to get a decent return on the idea as well. You have one month for me to make a decision.

March 9, 2013:

Right, so...

I've decided to... abandon it.

I know there are people that won't be happy with this, but this was never a very good story in the first place. It was a little sad, even. Nowadays, I have stories that are so much better, and that I actually feel like continuing, so I'd honestly just rather pour my effort into those projects, which actually mean something to me, rather than into this. Especially with my bad health recently, I just can't keep up with the demand that I have. There isn't as big of a wait on this story as there is on my others, and there isn't as much allure.

I'm sorry, but I guess this is goodbye. Look at my other stories if you want to. I promise they're all a lot better.

Ja ne

Phoenix


End file.
